I have reached a stage that aptly fits one of my central belief. The believe that I should be happy with what I have, but never be happy with myself.
Yeap. I am smiling because I have all that I can ask for. But at the same time I see clearly my flaws and where I can improve. I should be motivated by the fact that I myself can improve. Well, therein lies the problem. Knowing that I already have all that I can ask for makes me feel that there is no need to look forward.
Ego driven, but there is no benchmark. There is no one to surpass. No clear target. And that isn't good. Maybe I am tired. MAybe I have lost focus of my goals. Indeed I have. But its ok to lose focus. Or is it not?
Is this enlightment? Questioning what is it that I want. Or is this plain laziness.
Is it even ok to stay at this state.
Clearly not. I think life is based upon interaction. And thus relative to the people around me isn't it? I cannot stand still while others move ahead. Time now is 8.43pm. I have until 0900 tomorrow morning.
When I wake up tomorrow. I will know what I want. What I stand for and what is important. That will be the root of my drive. My will. I will shine.
I was driving to school today. Windows winded down, I could feel the wind. Soft rock weekend sets the mood. And I felt happy. I know I am blessed. I lead a good life, with almost nothing to worry about. I have got almost everything a guy my age could ask for. I have got friends who care about me. I have got an active social life. Good grades. Earned the respect of some people around me. I have got a car to drive everyday although it ain't mine. Of cos, human wants are limitless. But I am already satisfied with what I have.I just smiled.
Well, a girl friend. Thats one thing I don't have. But at least there's someone I love. And I missed her.
"When I talk with you, we are seconds apart. But at the same time, we are miles apart"