Almost cried in the car this morning.
FUCK!!! I am 21 and I have achieved NOTHING!!!!!
Just read the December issue of Arena, and now I know why i consider Arena my inspirational magazine. Just look at the type of condominium the rich are living in. Price at over 14mil, we take St. Regis for example. Its not just a condo anymore, its a way of life when you have got too much money in your coffer. This is what I call the orgasmic rich dream.
I know I will be there someday. Although the path ain't so clear at the present moment, I can feel it there, somewhere behind that uncertain mist. And that day will come.
I am not being as great as I can be.
When I parted myself with KTG one year back, I made myelf smaller than I am.
Because I dare not pick up that pride.
But why shouldn't I?
I can feel that aura of greatness coming back to me slowly, but surely.
can you just shut up.
I don't want to hear from you.
I don't want to talk to you.
Your voice irritates me cos you talk rubbish.
Get out of my life!!!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!
I am insecure.
Scared of failure.
That makes me a loser.
Fuck!!!
Its been raining the whole day!!!
Just a few things I wanna say.
See ying ting is stubborn, hope she learns. I shall be nice to her.
I hate bastards, cos they remind me of the bastard things that I did.
Remorse, feed on my soul please.
I am a lazy idiot. Sleeping is a waste of my life.
For the thousandth time, at this rate I am going, I will never achieve half of my goals.
I am not a nice person, there is still the sleeping samael inside.
I hate the 7 days between christmas and new year.
Damn, I don't wanna turn 21 yet. I still have plenty of unfinished business!!!!!
Back from Thailand, back to reality to face the nagging and all the work that has snowballed. Just woke up from a 5 hr nap and here I am. I hope all these work pays off ...(spaced off thinking about the LKCSP stuff)...
All's well, Bangkok was fun though I wasn't feeling very well on 2 of the days but still..yeah.Breakfast in bed was quite a killer experience. Gonna try room service dinner next time. With wine music. I realise my Bro is ten times for girly than on the surface.
Oh! How can I miss out the show (if you know what I am talking, good for you; else,too bad). Holy shit. Its stunning!!Beer bottle! I can't even open it with my hands. To think they can open it with the *censor*. DAmn!
I had window sit on the return journey. Looking out, I saw clouds extending out towards infinity. It was a magnificent view; makes me realise how small I am; makes me wanna sky dive through those cloud and have nothing within 10km radius of me.
I think I shall rest early tonight, so that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I willbe energetic enough to clear all my work like I did. Else, this holiday will be seriously screwed.
I feel I should blog to conclude the end of term 1. At the present moment, my feelings are mixed. Part happy, but disappointed, part stressed.
Except for my grades, I have achieved all other goals I have set out for myself. I missed the mark of a 4.0 GPA. Though i ain't far off, missing the mark does make a big impact. If janice can do it, I don't see why I can't. In terms of establishing myself in SMU, i think I have done well too. Since its my blog, I shall be honest. LTB was a learning experience, i think scoring A+ shows something about how people look at me in terms of leading. Being chosen as chair for LKCSP, I am happy too, it probably doesn't mean much to the rest, but in my point of view, its a recognition that people trust me to a certain extent. I am happy for that too. As to establishing myself socially, I think the westzone supper club, haha, although quite cui, was a great way to socialising. I am happy that most of my friends are more than Hi-bye friends. I believe I took the extra mile and effort to forge honest friendships.
I also learnt about my flaws. Going after debz, realising that we ain't really matching, being frank with the fact that I am insecure internally and learning to overcome that. Learning how to go beyond my ego to develop true confidence. Learning how to be nice to people so that it recipocrates. Speaking of which, I don't really know how I feel towards debz. I always held the opinion that I have got everything in the worl and all I need is a woman to complete my life. I did crush on her majorly back then. But somehow, it seems like I am still looking for that special someone to complete me. well...life.haha
Now that exams are over, its time to study the serious stuff. I have been enjoying myself to the core and I think it's about time I get down to some work too. On a side note, I am on track in terms of achievement. Reviewing the goals of term 1, I think I have achieved them save for the GPA. SUX!!
Time to put in more effort to realise my dreams!!!
The sleek black. 2 Red eyes at the back.She hums as she glides pass. I quiet murmur of suppressed power. The blue and the white quarters. The BMW. I wanna get behind the wheels of a BMW coupe. To own one of them, and drive one home. My target, 28.
The young man. The goals, the dreams the Vision. The strong desire to improve.But do not forget young man, as you erode off your flaws, that perfection itself is a flaw.
The controversy, the burden of being good. The reputation, the need to keep social relations up to mark. The desire to be zai, sia lan and at the same time, nice.
-Kelvin
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