Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Last day of exam tomorrow. Time to have fun. Will I become a successful day trader and earn 100 bucks a day? Can I?
I am Damn Bored!!!!!!!
Sitting in SMU library, I can see a nice building across the road. But, no idea whatbuilding that is anyway. Its monday night and the last of 2 exams for the term is on thursday. I am left with a couple of chapters for biz law and there are some statutes to cover. Thats about it. Furthermore, its an open book exam. Whats there to study...seriously. Have been consistent throughout the term and even though i got pretty hung by the balls for the 25% mid term exam, I feel that I should just go in and take the paper now. Yeah..even the knowledge that I need an A+ for this paper to pull my grades back up is not helping. Am I slack, over confident or plain can't be bothered.Haiz...
Everytime I get bored, I ask myself what is the one thing I wanna do. And for now...hell yeah!! I am in the library. The neural network journals!!! Wheeee!!!
Its a cold night. Class 95 got me emo. Got me thinking about a whole lot yet again.
I am glad I have learnt from my mistakes and moved on, moved on from where I was a long term ago.
I dreamt of you last night. Peculiar dream. And when I woke up, it was raining. Poetic irony. So i beckon the bunch of them studying in the library to go out and enjoy the orchestra for a short 5 minutes.
Tonight, here I am again. A journal to the tunes of life. And here I have someone rattling away. It leads me to think. Love is, afterall, a fallacy.
I don't know how to put this in words.
All i can do is to recognise this as one of my flaws.
and say that either we can't communicate, or we simply can't live with each other.
You can't force certain things.
People go around with different motivations and different objectives.
What we want might be so totally differnt they are exclusive.
At times,i feel pissed. At times, I am sorry that i cannot comply. Otherwise, I am just lost.
saying that these are just the harsh facts of life is really just another way of subtle avoidance.
Do not feel rejected though. I know life ain't easy.
All this does suck at times.
Woah! LTB is finally over. But good friends have been made.
Anyway, the coffee bean opposite SESS is sub standard man.
Dear Kelvin,
You have been slacking for how many days already!! The last time you did a FA paper is saturday. It is already thursday now and you have made no substantial progress. Can you try to buck up!
Oh, and she is seriously damn hot.
-Kelvin
CEO talk tomorrow. Hope dinner will be good. Time to wear my nice shirt again!! Yeah. I am so happy. Also, i learnt that it is actually within my financial capability to buy a car. Heh heh. So a car by age 26 is actually possible and realistic. Yeah man.Afterall, a car is only around 80k. If I get paid 10K per month, save everything and live purely on my savings, I can pay off a car in full in no time. Whats so difficult? Don't even need to finance the car. Oh come on, 10k starting pay is possible. I am confident I can do it.
-Peace-
Two sides of the coin. This is probably the last of it. Probably. Hopefully. Tuition is getting on me. Not because I can't afford the time. But rather, because of the time constrain that's being imposed on me. It sucks big time.
Yet another afternoon wasted. I had wanted to get a hair cut. Gym. Study. But look what I have just done. wasted the entire afternoon doing ONE fa balance sheet which doesn't even balance. This is SHIT. the last weekend was even better. 2 days spent on doing one bloody learning journal. Its good that I have got a great deal of free time. It shows that I am managing my time well. But hey, I can be putting all this time to good. Use. Look!!! exams are just around the corner, in fact its like 2 weeks ahead. I should be studying my biz law and FA. Or at the very least I should be having fun.!!!!
Ok, let me start by reminding myself of the goals for this term.
GPA>4.0 HAHA. almost gone.
I have written down my speculations to
COmms: A-
LTB B+
FA: A
Biz Law B+ Which comes to around 3.5 This sucks
CEO talk next thurs. remember to remind pris.
Jamboori next sat. Ok. remember to follow up.
what elsE?
To the special someone,
Happy birthday. If there is one person in this world who have seen all my flaws and acknowledged all my strengths. Scolded me when I deserve it and shower concerned when I am low. Its you. You taught me alot, made me grow up. But kelvin still has got alot to learn.
And although I know full well you don't want me to say this, I still gotta say it: For all that I have done, I am sorry. I wish I never put you through all that
Still. I wish that you have a happy 21st. Share your smile with me. A poem for you.
To everyone else out there,
if you are going anywhere near the g** word, you are gonna get it...
Haven't slept to the tune of class 95 for a long time. As always, it rox. Been a long day today, and energy is seeping out of me. Dude, focus, Dude!!!
War cry!!
Every weekend, I will pick up on piece of past year biz law paper and then start writing the structure of the essay. So that eventually, I won't screw up by Biz law paper again. So that I can get at least a B flat and still maintain a GPA of above 3.4. Is this bloody sufficient assurance for you Kelvin?!
And I will do 7 time past year FA term papers so I can get a bloody A+. At the same time, earn some cold hard cash by selling those papers.
Stay focused on your goals dude. Nothing is beyond you. Positive thinking is your strength and you should start playing the cards now.
-burn the tarot.
I think that I have been pretty uncool over the past few days. For good reasons.
Firstly, I have been quite lazy with school work. But what I am really unhappy about is the way I have been treating myself. I haven't been fair to myself. I treated myself like a loser simply because I felt that way. Undermining my personal well being. That's not how I should treat myself. No way. To get the best out of the worse situation, thats style.
I have spent time building upon my confidence, now its time to build upon my sense of internal security. As always, such times ain't easy. Obstacles and hurdles are bound to be in the way. But I believe I can walk out of it a better person. Because I can and I will. Remember how Power is nothing without Will?
What happened to the saying "I do as I wish". I won't like that degrade to a mere fallacy. And what happened to "I have never failed to achieve anythign I set out to achieve". It's not really about achievement per se. Its about acknowledging self worthiness and the fighting spirit.
I have come thus far. I cannot lose sight of my vision and goals now. I simply can't afford to do so. I never felt more confident than this. When I said:
"My greatest strength is that I am able to evaluate myself, set ambitious objective and then know whats best, so that I can systematically achieve them"
At this moment, I am tremendously happy with myself and I am touched. I think I have made a breakthrough above and beyond my JC golden age. I am proud my myself.
I think I should be an inspirational speaker.
That's bad. Thats really really bad.
Haiz.I learnt something today. Janice is darn right about my insecurity. This morning I was just telling myself that I have built my confidence significantly over the past months. But then, security is a totally different issue. And...haiz....it led to quite undesirable consequences.
I figured my internal locus of control is way too strong for my own good. Such that, when I don't see the full picture, I feel uncertain. And such uncertainties rise too easily. Whats more, I often speculate such uncertainties to bizzare possibilities. Thats damn bad.
I need to work on this if I really want to become the person I envisage myself to be. Afterall, being a better man takes time. For 1, I think I should link confidence with my locus of control. I think I can supress uncertainties with that. The next thing is to cut down on speculations.
Its afterall part of growing up. Damn. I think I just shot myself in the leg. I feel like...A BBB rating treasury bond being devalued to a junk bond overnight. Haiz.
I am glad that my new found confidence can cushion against this. But still, it came really abruptly. Not that it's some catastrophic setback but. It really changes the way I look at everything. To think that I have actually been in the blind. Gosh, was I stupid.
And so...show hand or pass. It is afterall a game and very much a gamble.The only words I can contemplate now is "what the f**k". The good thing is that I am amazingly composed and calm;unshaken. I am part pissed, part dissapointed, part shocked and part sad.what the...
-period
Why is it that I am either irritated, frustrated or simply pissed off everynight. Stop disturbing me!!!!
A hallmark card. Sparks memories. But what's lost is lost.
So...what brithday gift can travel a thousand miles....
for a friend so far away.