Monday, May 29, 2006
The visit
It seems this guy called kelvin is accusing me of stealing his blog. Man, I seriously don't know whats going on. I just created an account. Maybe there is some technical glitch? I don't know. My first blog entry and already there are a host of people responding on the tagboard. That unknown guys is certainly a creep.
Samuel has been ill for almost a week now. No medicine seem to be helping. I pray to god that he recovers soon. Anyway, this guy called Zen came to visit Samuel. He's from the Autism Research Institute. Elderly guy, reckon he is at least 55. Name is Zen. I doubt that zen is his real name. Too coincidental for someone to almost share the name of my blog. And you know what, I think this unknown guy who has been tagging on my tag board is him. He who calls himself Zen. Creep. We discussed the issue of sending Samuel to the institute...again. I am firmly against it. And then, this guy did the most peculiar thing. He suggested doing a tarot reading for sam the hell. thats satanic!i almost argued with him. this is what happened.
Zen: Mr Ronald, let me do a tarot reading for your son.
Me: Whatever for!?
Zen: Won't you want to know whats ahead, for him.You love him. Don't you? You know the reasons.
Me: Man, let me be frank with you. Number 1. I don't like you. I don't know how you came to know about me, my son and everything there is. Number 2, I don't like your name. Zen? Who do you think you are. Tying to copy the name of my blog and make yourself feel all mysterious? Trying to mimic the lead, Zen, in Smile of the Lucifer? Who the hell are you man.
Zen: I see you are much agitated.
Me: Yes I am! And what do you want?
Zen: I have said. I want nothing. I only want to propose what' best for your child. And, may I ask about your blog name "Zentenism" is it? How did you get that name (Damn! It has to be him. He has got to be the unknown guy. He knows even my blog add)
Me: Yeah, I was once inspired by the movie. So?
Zen: You were inspired? Yet you believe it's only fiction.
Me: Don't %#^&# me
Zen: Calm down. Lets move on. A tarot reading for Samuel.
Me: NO. You satanic piece of %^@&
Zen: Satanic? Yes. The commonly held opinion that tarots are satanic.
Me: Yeah. I am a christian and you should start showing some respect for my faith.
Zen: Mr Ronald. Do you know that in the 14th century, the church encouraged learning using tarots as an educational too.
Me: They weren't enlighten. They didn't see god's light.
Zen: Are you saying that you are closer to god now, than they were back then. Take a look at the church people go to these days. Have you even started questioning their purpose? It seems more like a social hangout.
(He really caught me there. And then samuel came)
Sam: Dad, let him do a reading for me. Mr Zen, what's going to happen to me?
The spread (in order):
He didn't say what it means, but somehow he looks puzzled. I just found his blog. And found out what it means. I just added a link to his blog. Zen's blog. Creep!
Friday, May 26, 2006
Symphony of the Angels
Samuel is smart though, the doctor calls him an idiot savant and have been suggesting that I send him to a proper institute where he can develop his strengths. As a father, all i want is to take care of him and keep him as close by me as I can. He has suffered enough. I talked with him a little just now, here goes
Sam:Ron. Fetch me some water Ron
Me:...(yeah, he always calls me by my name. Even as a toddler learning to speak, he spoke the words Ron before he called me dad. The first time he called me dad was when he was 7)
Sam:I am thristy. Its so bright, is it morning?
Me:No son, its 8. Almost time for bed.
Sam:Ron, tell me about grandpa Ron
Me:... (he is always asking for his grandpa. And all that I can ever do is to cook up a story. Because, like him, I have never seen my dad's face. Mom said he died before I was born.)
Sam:Ron, are you still there?
Me:Yes dear. I am here. Here.
Sam:I wanna know about grandpa
Me:Grandpa's gone to a land far away. A land where angel sing in symphony, where cherumbs sing their hymes in the name of god.
Sam:Is he in heaven dad?
Me:Yeah, Sure he is. Grandpa's a christian. Those who believe in god goes to heaven when they pass on. (thats one of the rare times he calls me dad.Ha)
Sam:Ron, I don't think grandpa passed away before you were born.
Me:Christ. What on earth are you saying son! Who told you that. (Damn!There he goes again. Sproting nonsense. Dad died before I was born. What does this brat here knows)
Sam:Ron?
Me:Samuel. Hear me. You will not sprout such nonsense about your grandpa. Hear me?
Sam:Ok. I am sorry dad. But whats his name?
Me:... ... ... (I wish I knew for certain Zen is really dad's name)
Sam:Is he called Zen?
Me:? (what the...)
Sam:alright. I am sorry dad.
Me: No, its my fault son. To be honest, I am not so sure myself. Grandpa passed on before I was born remember?
Sam:He didn't...sorry...I didn't mean to..
Me:Its ok. Sleep child.Sweet dreams
Sam:haiz...nite Ron
Me:good night...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
6th June '06
On the 6th day of the 6th month
an angel will save us
This day, I will pass judgement
Some will follow in my light and be delivered
from the darkness
I am the angel of will
I am the Lightbringer
The only place where the devil exist is in the evil hearts of man
Mini series Coming Soon: Symphony of the angels
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I, Zente
The words fail, sorry, lose and regret do not exist in the dictionary
You don't challenge me, I will challenge you. Even if I don't win, my pride is still here(Point to your heart)
It is not a matter of can or cannot; There is only will or will not.
I will therefore I can; I can therefore I will.
Nothing affects my mood without my permission.
If something bothers me, I will solve it.
Kelvin will speak of himself in the third person
"If you are sporting for a fight, stop talking and deal your blow. Just remember that you are going to face a lawsuit, lose all that you have and still get the beating of a lifetime."
If I cannot solve it, I will crush it.
Nice try, but this is the Ace of trump. Trump trump.
That ass punches before I finish my sentence - ouch that hurts - but so be it. Because saying "dude you punch like a hamster" is gonna strike him below the belt.
Pride is my sin. Will is my strength.
I am not being egoistic, this is just me.
A harder punch follows, live up to my words. He asked for it.
Even the greatest can fall. But the fallen does not.
Any title bestowed upon me must be preceeded by a "The". ie. Kelvin the Fallen.
If you are within my egosphere, prepare to be destroyed.
After the fight, dip the l;ads fist in an ice tumbler. I already won, now its time to show some benolevence.
There is no such thing as giving or receiving help.
I don't go back on my words. Should I send a lie?
Aim for the stars. Knowing that I will at least reach the moon. The concept of "failure" is still non-existent.
I can say "sorry", "regret", "lose" or "fail" if I like to. It doesn't matter what I say. It has no meaning since it is not in THE dictionary.
If you wish to mimic me, I am sorry. You are not even close.
Kelvin The fallen.
Next up in part II of I Zente...the 13 names I have been associated with...
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Mother's Day
Ever since I have been taught to think, I have been exposed to the ugly side of it all. Slowly but surely, that innate love slipped away from me. Now, I feel uncomfortable because I cannot bring myself to identify with that love.I just can't convince myself to love her. I should, because everyone should. But I can't, even as I try.
Yeah...looking forward to this friday's meeting and this Saturaday. Maybe I shall go to funtasia 2006. GaHaha
Thursday, May 11, 2006
A decision to be made
hmm....hmmm....and i realise its time to sleep.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Cheers
And now, it seems like the wait is over. I have failed to get the scholarship. No wait. The word fail is invalid as I cannot find it within my dictionary. Putting it in a more positive light, I don't have a scholarship.
There are three kind of people in this would and they each respond differently to sucha a situation.
The sour grapes says : It doesn't matter. It's not like its all good and I need it badly. Who bothers.
The bitter will dwell upon self-pity: Haiz... why...I deserve it. I need it. Words of despair and what have you.
Those who are truly great. Or those who used to be and are now of the fallen: Its a pity I missed it. But considering what I have already got, its only fair. Being born into greatness is as good as I should ask for. Afterall, it doesn't change who and what I am. My name is Kelvin the Fallen. And remember. The fallen never falls because it is pride which brought them down in the first place.
So cheers and bid farewell to absent friends, lost lovers, old gods and the seasons of the mist. And in which we give the devil his due.
Blogspot was down when I had the mood to write. Will I get the call tomorrow? Telling me that I have got the scholarship I yearn for. Haiz... I am almost afraid to hear the cold fact of failing. Maybe the person ,who said that i am vulnerable of late, is CORRECT. Yes, now my right eye is burning. The flame of anxiety burns blue upon the lust for knowledge. Shall I fall again, I will stand up. Because I am Kelvin the Fallen Greatness. The fallen does not fall.
...but the dreamlord still won't have me passing into his realm. I just can't fall asleep even though I am dead tired. Ironical isn't it? I am tired yet i couldn't sleep. First, my sisters were in my room and all the lights were on so I just tossed around in bed. Now they are off to bed, and I am alone. My mind just keep booming with ideas. Ideas for sales, ideas for marketing. Schedules to meet, my income next month. Arg, worthless thoughts that are flooding my mind for no good reasons at the moment.
Oh, guess what I dreamt of last night. I couldn't believe it myself. I shall not talk about it, for fear of being plagued by the same kind of dreams again tonight.( Just cooked myself some noodles to fill my stomach.) Realise I haven't properly blogged for quite some time. Went to study with wong again today and did TA for equities for the first time. Gosh, the yahoo finance technical charts seriously need some polishing. Its terrible. Had meeting with the rest of the board after that. Wasn't the best of boardroom emulation but nontheless, it was a good 3 hours. Felt super tired after that, almost fell asleep while watching TV. Yet now when I seriously want to sleep I can't sleep. Haiz...spare me....
Guojun is right. My english needs some brushing up.
This cockster from Lome Togo tried to scam me with the promise of a large deal. I mean a trade in hard disk and such. Haha. Cockster, I may be super ambitious and greedy but I am also a child Prod. Think I will fall for it ? Stupid. Well I am actually less than impressed by the multitude of business like info he can provide. But think of it. I have been pestering him for a PO since last week and he couldn't churn out one? Couldn't even fake a PO? Worse off, which government restricts wire transfer of funds? oh..we need government approval to wire the funds..blah blah. He doesn't even have a company name. Cock. he faced the wrong guy, cos I know how to scam too. How did I manage to pull off the market research project with mavenz last year if I wasn't Pro. Like I said. I am all knowing..HAha
Haiz...ok, I know I love to complain. But yeah, whats wrong, thats what breaks the monotony of life isn't it?(alternates between blogspot and mailbox...making some decisions...) YeaH and I was in office today, blogging on my samsung through wap. Guess what, blogspot hang on me twice. Imagine rewriting an entire blog entry only to have it vanish yet again. Gosh...
HAving read the few articles from funkygrad, I think I can really identify with the kind of school life I am going to lead when I go to SMU. If there is one way of describing it, its super competitive(...damn can't get my mind off work...decisions decisions....take the risk?). And my view, come what may. Competitive it might be, I am up to any challenge. BEcause I am pro. Come on man, challenge me, I am GOD. I am that good. I know... Well anyway, I may be pro but seriously, I am not beyond godlike...yet. Why? Because I am a slob.
Yes!!I think I am being lazy these days. And I need some serious discipline. I thought about it and this is a rough breakdown of how I spend my time in a week.
Monday to Friday
1.30am sleep
7.30am wake up
8.30 travel to work
930 start work.
5.30 end work
6.30 reach home, dinner bathe
7.30/8 catch up on my work and projects (exceot on wednesdat when I come home at 10 after tuition)
1.30-cycle repeats
Sat or Sunday(1 of the 2 days) 9.30 wake up
10am tuition
5.30 end tuition. Go Home...
Dinner, slack...and then usually waste time blogging or chatting on Msn. Bloody waste of time. Worse still, I dota. Unless there is work to do.
The other weekend...sometimes go town study, sometimes slack unless there is work to do.
Based on the above, I calculate that I spend 6.5 hours sleeping, 2 hours on travelling 1 hours eating and bathing. Meaning 9.5 hours a day spent doing practically nothing constructive. Now, for the ebst part. Time spent studying averages 25mins/day. Cos I usually study only 2-3 hours per week.Time spent exercising. Haha, Zero.
I am turning into a slob. Gosh. For the whole month of much I didn't learn anything new for TA. All i did was six set of charts. OOO...Thats is 'so much'. At this rate, I probably won't be able to finish studying my TA by the time school starts. And with what I can already expect out of school, I probably will have no time for TA. Wrong, its not because I don't have time. I simply ain't managing my time properly...(look what am I doing now). My worst habit is turning on the comp the moment I reach home. Well, ok usually there are email from customers or from possible suppliers. Otherwise, I will just be on MSN talking rubbish. Arg!!!I need to gain steam and momentum!!!!
But well..haha..If I don't blog, where else can I pass superegoistic statements.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Dream lord
And i think i screwed up my 3rd round interview. ARRRGGGG.....haiz....this guy called chong tze asked questions which were seriously terrorizing. And even during the last stage when all get to speak up, he had to budge in and ask me whats my goal. And I said with finese. And with a slight expression of sterness "I want to be a business leader. I want to trump...(thinking about a realistic comparison)" and then he said "trump? " I said "yes trump" he says "trump trump"
Haha. nice ending statment. that guy is eccentric. Scholarship or no, I am still the alpha and the omega. Hahahahah. Everything inbetween is just to give context.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Will to power
...busy....
Interviews tomorrow and I think its cruch time. I have spent 1 full year honing my boardroom and itnerview skills and have experince with several reputable companies. I don't see how I can't do well. And if boon chin can get scholarship, there is no aceptable reason why I cannot.
...busy....
Argg...my marketing efforts are behind schedule. And I can't really think now. Maybe its time to rest...doo...
ANyway, thom was saying that there is nothing to look forward to these days. Reminds me of how I felt some time back when life was really boring. Feels good to be strongly motivated and driven. Now all I have to do is to put everything in place in action. Should go fairly smoothly. I mean it will. Will.WILL.
I need to seek revelation in my dreams tonight. Great man never go back on their words. At least HE never goes back on his words. What if I made a promise and then on another occasion contradict my promise in another statement. Should I go back on my word by keeping my promise, or should I keep to my word and go back on my promise....hmmm...
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
KTF SPEAKS
Think what you might, but I assert that I am greater than ever. The mediocre are but specks of candle lights dancing out their moments. When it burns out, nothing is left. I am darkness. When my light burns out, I am eternal.Even The Great is nothing to me.