I want to fucking scream!!! WHY!!! Exposing how screwed up you are as a human being makes me feel so fucked up. Because you are my MOTHER!!! WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!????
Don't Tolerate, You will blow someday.
Unsensored and honest thoughts follows.
There is so much I want to say I don't know how to start.
1.You make me laugh everytime you say. "You will learn when you grow up." Shut the fuck up because you have no life experience to talk off. And you have got the bloody cheek to say such words. I wonder what you have learnt over the past 50 years of your life. Refer last point.The older I get, the more I see how screwed up you are as a person and as a human being. Thats bad enough. Don't make a fool of yourself.
2.Parents teach their child to be considerate towards others. Time and again, I find myself having to TEACH you what consideration is. Its fucking 3am in the morning. Stop screaming and shouting over small nothings and wake the whole fucking neighbourhood.
And, the fact that you ain't sleeping at 2am in the morning doesn't mean everyone else is awake. You should fucking attend primary school civics and moral education
3.You are such a perfect example for character moulding. From you, I really learn alot. About WHAT NOT TO BE!!!
4.I have only heard of parents teaching their child to be sharing and caring. Since 5 years old, you have been telling me not to share because what's mine is mine. Now I realise how fucking selfish you are as a person. And being incosiderate makes you a selfish person as well.
6.If you have got no fucking upbringing because your grew up in an incomplete family, no one will blame you. But that is no excuse for you having no values at all. So quit complaining about your family background. Some people are poor, but they are good people. Some people are rich, and they grow up to be rich fuckers. So whether you are poor or rich has got no relevance to what kind of person you are. The bottomline...
7. Stop being a fucking loser and bitch about everything. If you find that everyone is cold towards you, I think its time you do some reflection of self. Start by asking what you have done for yourself, before you go on to complain about the lack of opportunity given by others.
8.You are fucking 50 years old and in anothe 20 or 30 years you are going grow old and die. Its time you wake up your fucking idea and make use of these remaining years and start being a proper person with proper values.
9.You say"if you have character, you will have no friends" You make me laugh my ass off when you said that. Look at yourself!! You are so screwed up as a person you have no friends. I ain't even starting to talk about your siblings. Look how fuck up your relationship with everyone is.
10. And fuck you.Don't insult my grandmother. If you have got no fucking respect for your parents, thats your problem. If thats how you want me to treat you when you grow old, SOrry. TOO BAD. I won't treat you the way you fucking treat your parents and your elders. COS I AM NOT LIKE YOU. refer point 3. Unlike you, I won't bear a grudge my parents. I will only feel sad for you. Let me tell the world what you just said about my grandma "You think your grandma has got character? you only think so because she is your elder" Eh...don't make me laugh at you yet again. It just shows how incapable of thinking you are.It doesn't matter whether you are deaD, alive, young or old. If you are a proper person, you ARE a proper person. If YOU are fucked up. You are fucked up. Period.
11. I am in the position to say such things about you because I am educated. And unlike you, I have got proper upbringing. I know it ain't your fault. But thats just the way the world goes round. All i am trying to do is to expose you to your flaws so that hopefully you can be a better person. And don't come and tell me that I am only 20 and you are 50. Your experiences ain't relevant. Yet again, thats the har realities of life. Accept it, and move on.
12. You always say you want to take care of your grandchildrens in the future. Oh please. Thanks but no thanks. You are a negative influence. I am sorry I have to say this, no hard feelings. Thats just the truth.
13. Stop being impatient. And stop saying that I am impatient with you. Before you reach out to others for help, can you at least try to help yourself? No one is going to be there for you forever. Thats something you should be saying to me and teaching me. Why is this happening the other way round.
14.You should just learn to have an open mind and stop being obstinate. If things don't go your way, too bad. Don't throw tantrums. It won't help. It only makes you look like a little girl. And for fucking sake, if I am stubborn in nature, you gotta ask yourself why. And at the very least, I know I am stubborn. I know my flaws and I am willing to do something for myself by changing. What about you? DO you need someone to slap you in order for you to wake up?
15. And probably no one has the capacity to do that. Because you are such a spoilt child. Look at the way you scream and shout and throw tantrums at your own parents, aunties and sisters just to get what you want. Again, why is there a reversal of role here!!??
16.If I go on trying to expose your shortcomings, its going to be a waste of time. There is so much to it the list goes on forever. Most importantly, saying it here or saying it to you directly is of no fucking use. You never listen.
Lastly, you never ever listen. Thats why you never ever learn. It time you learn to accept your short comings and change. "Why should I change the way I am" is a statement fit for fucking losers. No one is asking you to be someone else. Just be a proper person that is worthy of respect and love. Be yourself. Only Better.
The next time you want to bitch about why your children treat you and dad differently. Shut up. Because its plain obvious.You gave birth to us, but do you qualify for the words 养育。
My last try: Take responsibility for your own life. Don't always rely on others. You ain't a kid anymore. You are fucking 50 years old. So stop being childish, stop throwing tantrums. Shut up when its time to, listen with an open mind, accept your flaws and CHANGE for your OWN fucking sake. If you want to remain the way you are, go ahead. Afterall, its your life. If you don't want to take responsibility for yourself, thats your problem. Just don't be a bad influence. Else, GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
Like it or not, everyone got to die someday. As a matter of fact, you ain't got much longer to live. If you want to die a screwed up sould, Ihave nothing to say. When that day comes, I will cry till my tears run dry. Because as your son, I have failed to instill the proper values in you and make you a proper person. Let me tell you this. Once, I hated you. And then I despised you. Now, I simply feel sorry for you because you are so fucked up and unwilling to learn and accept you flaws. I have given up all hopes on you.
Can't believe that I Kelvin the Fallen Greatness is feeling inferior. Haiz. Since when have decadence caught up with me?
-Interruption from my mother. My ill temper showed again. Evidence that my world is indeed deprived of love. That makes me incomplete. Damn. An early morning dream made me realise this crude fact. I realise I don't have to give in to her for everything. Sometimes, filial piety doesn't apply. I am becoming more and more convinced with the individualist concept. In which families don't exist. Or is this just the result of being incomplete. Lastly, she is always talking of "when i grow up i will change and blah blah". Fucking hell. I think it's time she grows up. Now i am totally convinced that nothing I learnt came from her.Talk about character moulding, I probably learnt from her negative examples. Argg!!! Her character sucks so badly I feel embarassed at times. I feel trapped. Is this the stand alone complex? What does this reflect about my character? That I suck equally. Darn, I believe its true that kids these days talk back and challenge more established concepts because of education. The previous generation can only go so far. Afterall, darwinism applies not just to biological science. The bottomline, I seriously hate it when she boss around as big "mom". You want something you go get it yourself. Don't expect me to compromise on anything based solely on the reason that you are my parents. She has no right to tell me whats right and wrong. Waoh strong statement here eh. Of course, someone who is unable to reason and take responsibility for her own life and actions have no right to infringe upon my life. No matter who the person is. Manage yourself before you try to manage your child. Another irony here, as I sense how this invokes me as well.
Who said that one must have love to be a complete person. I shall challenge that notion. Correct,love might be the strongest tool of human consciousness. Without it, I can still survive achieve great things.
All this shit just makes me feel more and more inferior. Damn, why am I falling into such a pitfall. I just got out of that period of fragileness and uncertainty a few months ago. I don't want to cross back to those dark days. No.
Be yourself, only better. If it pricks me, its going to be crushed.
I AM UNHAPPY. Haiz...day started well. But somehow, as i break into the night, things just start going against my wish. Seems like I get pissed easily... Haiz Kelvin..Things don't always go your way.
Maybe...I should..will come back and fulfill my promises to you when i am done with myself
Unhappy
I have got good reasons to be unhappy. Seriously speaking I am quite pissed off with myself. Why do I land myself in a situation in which I feel guilty. That feeling sucks and it contradicts my belief of living without regrets.FUCK UP.
Why do I feel like I need to apologise. I don't like that shit. Why does it always happen? How can I be so patient with everything else and so tempermental with my mother. It fucking doesn't make sense.If you want to hate a person, hate a person to the core. Be a shrewed contriver and screw the person's life. But I don't hate my mom. Why do I not love her either? This doesn't make sense. Love doesn't make sense. Why do I not understand? Why do these spurts of impatience come with the slightest irritation from her?
Yes, she is screwed up in many ways. Inconsiderate, unreasonable, impatient too, never listens, never learn and she throws tantrum. Yes she is like a daughter with no upbringing. That's because her mother sucks. But somehow or rather I am not without upbringing. Else how can I say that she has got no upbringing. My parents brought me up. Either by negative education, or because my dad was quite a role model or classroom education, I am a proper person. Because I am their son. I have come to accept that being what she's like isn't my mom's fault. Its sad that her parents are screwed up. I am lucky. Then why do I treat my dad and mom with polar opposite attitude.
Why is it that when we (yes this applies everyone) talk with our friends, we consider their feelings and try not to hurt them. But when we talk with our loved ones, like out parents or spouse we say things thats are so true and uncensored we don't care if we break their heart.
Is this love? Fuck love. It doesn't make sense.
I am far from being a complete person.
Second time in my life i believe that a 0.8 sec decision can change your life and the lives of people around you. Damn. I admit that I have got a fucking bad driving habit. That is I don't check blind spot while changing lane. This is the 3rd time I nealy got into an accident because of my negligence in check blindspot. I think its true that drivers who just got their license are the best drivers. Overtime, you just start picking up bad and potentially dangerous habits one by one. It's still ok if I got into an accident and bollocks...die. But my sister was with me. Damn. After that I reflected on it and when I think about what could have happened, I seriously hung dio. Had the car not ebrake in time, my sister would have kanna the strongest impact being on the left. oh fuck. fuck fuck fuck. Just imagine, if anything happen to my sister, my life will be made up of nothing but lose, sorry and regret. And I will be a great failure as a brother. JB! fuck. Now I think of it. I realy nothing to say. I went for a 20 minutes proper driving session after that just to instill healthy driving habits. This kind of thing cannot happen again. You can only skip death this many times. Damn...in that split second, my decision of changing lane instead of executing an ebrake was thrashed. An account of it goes...
Along clementi road, the traffic lights have a slight change in timing. the arrows are orange arrows indicating no right turn instead of the typical green arrwo. I wasn't tail gating but I was half talking to my sis. I saw the orange arrow and at that time it didn't mean anything to me cos it was still green light and i was still on the accelerator. And then the accent didn't bother to signal his intention to turn. Dude, it would have made hell lot of a difference. I would have slowed down like I have did so many time. Yeah, then comes the decision. In that split moment, I concurred that if I brake, I might ram into his rear. So i checked my rear mirror and saw the left lane was clear. So i quickly changed to the left lane. Its crap. Seriously trash. I checked read mirror to ascertain the lane is clear but I didn't check my blindspot. FUCK. I could hear the Nissan sunny screech as he E-brake.Arg. I nearly lost my sister man. fuck. and I nearly said hi to my father in avernus.
I promise to adopt safe driving technics and not be gang ho on the road anymore.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
Few songs are that good. Here's one for a chill out night.
Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson
Tale as old as time,
true as it can be.
Barely even friends,
then somebody bends...unexpectedly
Just a little change
small to say the least
both a little scared
neither one prepared
Beauty and the beast
Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before and
ever just as sure as the sun will rise
INSTRUMENTAL
Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
and ever just as sure as the sun will rise.
Tale as old as time, tune as old as song
Bitter sweet & strange
finding you can change
learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun(Certain as the sun)
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty & the Beast
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
BEAUTY...BEAST
Nice night. I finished my 神雕 vcd already. Now I have one less distraction. In the blink of an eye, its already the 3rd of july. Gosh time flies. And what's really irritating me is that my plans for monday and tuesday are pretty screwed. Saying that I have no time is wrong. Just that it sucks having to squeeze time out just to do something which is suppossed to be a routine. My bowling seriously sucks. Need to buck up if I want to stand a chance for IVP.
Kelvin's ego statement of the day: I am not kiasu. Why should I be, I won't lose (the word doesn't exist). I just want to make sure i am better than everyone else. Hahahaha.
Busy day tomorrow. Maybe I should just go and use my school gym. Its free and better. No need to rush in that case. Great, I just learn that we will be meeting 2 clients instead of 1 tomorrow.
Dah...well tsang yew is back from aussie. Time to catch up with him. Looking forward to this sat's bbq.
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