Sick
Physically and mentally sick. I believe the former is a result of a great lack of sleep. Five days of live firing preparation have caused me to plunge into fatigue. Waking up at 430 has recently become an instinct. The demostration live firing is over at last and all that is left are COC and a final standby. My week has been most interesting though its only tuesday night.
For once in a very long time, Sunday was a working day. The live firing area was familiar but sickening. It was only until 10 that we get to go back. Monday was when I got my best "arrow" ever. I was tasked to go to Bedok to collect a banner. Seeing the crowd of students headed for school in their colourful uniform brought back fond memories of my school days. It also reminded me that soon, I will be on my way to campus in town. I reached Eunos at around 8 and decided I should have breakfast at the hawker. The prata wasn't that fantastic but the idea of being out of camp at 8 on monday morning was wonderful. An even better news followed. The banner was not ready so I was allow to hang around till 2 in the afternoon, collecting it thereafter. So I went to bugis junction and had the previledge of reading the papers over a cup of orange infused mocha. Fantastic. The cinema opened at 10 and I caught Memoirs of a Geisha - Ps instructions which I galdly followed. The movie ended at 1, giving me an hour to spare for some new year shopping in smart four. That somehow hindered the shopping experience. All that done, I collected the banner and went back only at 4.
Monday night, I wasted an hour on stupid thoughts. Was thinking of her again and it really made me feel down. I am glad I have a host of friends who were willing to let me vent. It was only then that I realise I am commiting the same mistake again. The fault lies in thinking too much. There was no immediate problem...infact there was no problem. Its just that the mind and the heart mingled around with each other too much, leading me astray. In short, brooding over nothing! Thats not the way I should be. I remember how I used to be unshakable. I can't like something like this twist me. No matter how important she is, I can't allow the mischief of thoughts to bring me down. Its just not healthy. I believe that of late, I have forgot all about loving me and taking care of myself. All this while, I guess I have been waiting to reach a point of sheer determination. I think the time has come for me to realise that no matter what happens, life goes on. Time won't stop just because I am feeling low. And so, finally, I think I should just adhere to the agreement. Yeah, walking away wasn't easy for her back then. I am able to identify with her now. Since she wishes, I will. I may walk away now, maybe she will too. But I promise I will come back to this same place in another point in time. I will come back. When our paths do cross again, I hope its a fresh start. I have let go of friendship a long time back, when I was certain there will be something more. Till then, Kelvin, life goes on as beautiful as it was.
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