Thats it
Sometime back, when i was lost and stuck in a dilemma i wrote what i was thinking in this space here. Spelt out every train of thought in my mind hoping to find some answers. I postulated a solution which i too condemned in my blog. Even without wong's advice i knew it wasn't the best of solutions. And the worst that i can expected came true.
Someone bought the idea while missing out the entire point. Someone thought that i wanted to end a friendship i was desperately trying to recover. Maybe not everyone is able to see beyond the mind. I guess many people have the opinion that what one thinks , one agrees. Never mind that. What really made me feel ' oh my. So thats why' is this. It seems even a free expression of mind is sometimes hardly enough to put across what one feels. So maybe i should be more direct:
Yes! I thought of that as a solution. And all along i knew that was a shallow one. All this while i have been trying to achieve a promise i made. I was trying hard to purely be someone's friend.
Yet someone saw only what i wrote. Thinking that an end was what i wanted. Missing out the entire point of me negating my own suggesting. And true enough i can only blame myself for not explaining when the time came. Instead i went along with a solution i raised but i didn't want.If you don't believe, please check with mr nick pang . I thought i didn't have the will to get over. Yet i was trying and i was acting like i already did. Maybe i didn't act well.
"he keeps thinking there is an existing pact, and that was the pact that he first made right from the start"
who was the one who said. Lets stick to the original plan 11 of August. Not me.
"earlier this month, i said hi agn.and apparently it wasnt so welcomed"
How? In what way was I unfriendly? Well if I was in anyway nonchalent, it was to convince someone about the idea of purely friends now. And it was shot back at me.
"oh well, i made the first step, but he seems rather unhappy about it.."
doesn't that speak mountain.
Now why am i not arguing when such things are striking me. Maybe its just pure guilt. Or I simply don't have the heart to argue over the issue. Sometimes I really wonder what girls are thinking. Think so much. Worse off, they infer the wrong stuff.There is no back tracking now, it will result in another deja vu. My regret, i was not able to be a good friend when i was. I owe someone alot for that. I take blame for my nonchalence when its time to make things clear. I think its too complicated for any good to come out of this friendship anymore. The status quo is better left untouched.There is already no going back. And for that i know i am not that great after all. Hai. Its stupid to dwell over this kind of things and its not like me at all. I already made myself look stupid alot of times.
To end of this blog, I state: "Freedom of expression" Don't take everything at surface value. If you don't like it, its not the bloggers problem.
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