Unhappy
I have got good reasons to be unhappy. Seriously speaking I am quite pissed off with myself. Why do I land myself in a situation in which I feel guilty. That feeling sucks and it contradicts my belief of living without regrets.FUCK UP.
Why do I feel like I need to apologise. I don't like that shit. Why does it always happen? How can I be so patient with everything else and so tempermental with my mother. It fucking doesn't make sense.If you want to hate a person, hate a person to the core. Be a shrewed contriver and screw the person's life. But I don't hate my mom. Why do I not love her either? This doesn't make sense. Love doesn't make sense. Why do I not understand? Why do these spurts of impatience come with the slightest irritation from her?
Yes, she is screwed up in many ways. Inconsiderate, unreasonable, impatient too, never listens, never learn and she throws tantrum. Yes she is like a daughter with no upbringing. That's because her mother sucks. But somehow or rather I am not without upbringing. Else how can I say that she has got no upbringing. My parents brought me up. Either by negative education, or because my dad was quite a role model or classroom education, I am a proper person. Because I am their son. I have come to accept that being what she's like isn't my mom's fault. Its sad that her parents are screwed up. I am lucky. Then why do I treat my dad and mom with polar opposite attitude.
Why is it that when we (yes this applies everyone) talk with our friends, we consider their feelings and try not to hurt them. But when we talk with our loved ones, like out parents or spouse we say things thats are so true and uncensored we don't care if we break their heart.
Is this love? Fuck love. It doesn't make sense.
I am far from being a complete person.
|
